blurry and nonchalant

Well, shit. I like a boy. Who lives 142 miles away. 

I really thought it was going to be different this year. I thought keeping mileage records would actually FUCKING DO SOMETHING for me.

Nope. Please kill me.

Who decided what was appropriate clothing to wear in public? When did society decide wearing comfortable clothing (sweat pants, etc) in public was such a terrible crime? Who are you to tell me that my clothing isn’t okay simply because they are “reserved for lounging around the house or sleeping”? I’m not exposing anything that society deems indecent, I am simply wearing comfortable clothes.

If I decide not to wear makeup, who made it okay for that to be seen as lazy, ugly, slovenly, something to be discouraged? The personal choices I make about my appearance are that, personal. I am not here to impress or meet your standards. Especially if the only offense is I didn’t smooth away imperfections in my complexion & wanted to wear a pair of casual pants. If I were unclean or wearing clothes riddled with holes & grime, that would be entirely different.

We each have days where we don’t feel our best. We simply don’t have the energy to put forth the effort of making ourselves into our very best physically. If I’m wearing sweatpants in public chances are I don’t feel well. Perhaps instead of criticizing me, you should think about a day when you didn’t feel well & simply wanted to be comfortable.

Now I’m sure people will say “I have comfortable clothes that aren’t sweatpants and are more socially acceptable”. I’m sure you do. I have plenty of comfortable clothes. But I don’t own a single pair of jeans that are as comfortable as sweatpants or leggings.

I have a love/hate relationship with makeup. Do I think it is necessary? No. I think everyone would be fine without makeup. That is after all how we actually look. And the fact that women are expected to cover their faces to improve them for, lets face it, the enjoyment of others, mainly men annoys me. Do I wear makeup? Yes. But not everyday. It is more something I do for myself, when I want to. I’m not ashamed of how I look, and don’t feel the social pressure to look perfect. And when I do wear makeup I prefer to wear it lightly, so as not to appear to be wearing any. But that’s me. Everyone is entitled to wear as dramatic and dynamic makeup as they want. As long as it is what they want, and not for a social pressure to look a certain way.

Makeup, in various forms, has existed for practically all of history. We all do things to appear attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex), either through physical appearance or sought after skills. I’m not an idiot. I just wish I could wear what I want and put as little or as much makeup on as I want without the social peanut gallery feeling as though they have the right to judge me. The farthest you have to judge is whether or not you find me appealing. If you don’t, fine.

But there is no need for snide comments because you are not infallible.

I just spent way too long looking at someone I don’t like’s tumblr. So I could judge them appropriately. Which I was doing already. 

Ugh some people. What is the point in trying SO HARD if all you get is internet famous with no personality?

ALSO; WHY AM I STILL AWAKE? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I’m fairly positive no one that follows me gives a shit, BUT GUYS!!! Spring Training started yesterday!!! BASEBALL SEASON IS OFFICIALLY RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.

Goddamn I want to go to Orlando & attend Braves Spring Training.

I want to change my life this year. I want to be healthier. I want to be more active. I want to travel more. I want to do more.

Thankfully I have no life currently so changing it shouldn’t be too hard. I’m going to become more of a hardass about my money. I’m going to stop making excuses. I’m going to stop wishing things were different but not doing a damn thing about it.

I just want him back. I swear I’ve been really trying to be okay. But when I’m lying in bed alone not being able to sleep it all sinks in. I think of all the things I miss and love about him. And all the things that annoyed me. And all the things that were mundane and boring and frustrating. And I want it all back.

i’m an idiot and made an online payment for my car payment that was twice what i needed to pay. so easy fix right? just go in and cancel that payment & start a new one? WELL FOR SOME REASON IT WON’T FUCKING LET ME. it isn’t even showing up in payment history or active payments. 

so now im on hold with chase with probably forever. 

i think i might have actually lost my mind tonight. 

i somehow locked both my keys and my phone in my car. i need someone to go to my apartment and get my second set of car keys. i’m at work with Aubrey (who is freaking out because we are supposed to be going to the pool & she doesn’t do well with unexpected problems!)

please don’t make me walk from work to my apt with a 4 year old autistic child. please. help. seriously. 

While Darren was at the gym today someone when into his backpack and found his wallet. They took all his credit cards and cash. By the time he was done working out he already had two messages from BB&T’s fraud department. The thief had already attempted to spend $600 at wal-mart. He had roughly $100 in cash on him. And tomorrow he is moving his parents from their house in Southern Pines to their new house at the beach. Darren is funding their entire move, and now has to do so without any credit or debit cards. It does not promise to be a good weekend for him. 

This is the second time that he has had fraud issues, last time someone got his account numbers and used them online. There is never a convenient time for this to happen, but last time it wasn’t the day before something like a move.

And all this also happens on today, which marks Darren and I being together for 6 months. Yay.